The Detroit Post
Thursday, 28 October, 2021

Best Weather Jokes

James Lee
• Wednesday, 23 December, 2020
• 13 min read

45) The weather forecast was for freezing cold hail, and sure enough, it was an ice day. 46) It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty, but he certainly had a great fall.

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47) It was so cold outside that hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs! 48) It only rains twice a year in London: August through April and May through July.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing négligée. I am over 18 When she broke up with me on our first anniversary, she said “Our sex life is like the rainfall in Egypt.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing.

Before he could ask again, the manager heard a little commotion on the line, followed by a younger voice. “I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,” she explained.

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“I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.” Then it happened, from nowhere came down the sandwiches, sausage rolls, scotch eggs Quiché and Vol-au-vent and then I realized we are being buffeted by the wind.

Exclaims the wife, “what on earth is that bloke doing!... After a bit of investigating, he found the man had asked his lay clergy to conduct that day's service, so he could take advantage of good weather.

I am over 18 My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.

After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles.

The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight... read more This beautiful morning, the Pope woke early, excited for today's ceremony.

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I am over 18 It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.

I am over 18 Three guys are on a road trip and their truck breaks down in the middle of nowhere with only a farm by them, the farmer lets them in and says the only rule was that they couldn’t sleep with his daughter. As the years went by, he realized he'd probably never get married, since he sure wasn't giving up golf.

As it so happens, he finally did meet a wonderful woman, and in ... read more I never forget the weather of the day they all escaped, it was raining cats and dogs.

When the husband arrived in Florida, he decided to email his wife, but unknowingly sent it to the wrong email. A man goes to the doctor, feeling a bit under the weather.

The other one day “At 70+ degrees, my dick's name is Robert. I am over 18 “Hey boss, I’m sorry but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it today.


Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

I got two dollars and fifteen cents back in climate change. I went through parking lots, hopped curbs, slid across side walks and roads.

It takes full control of a blizzard's direction in just a few keystrokes. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care... read more.

One fine Sunday morning he woke up to find the most perfect golfing weather. Finally, he gave in and asked another priest to do the sermon.

He quietly packed up his golf bag and slipped out the back of the church. At the links he was having the m... read more. Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.

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“Nice weather we’re having, huh?” Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction. The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. I am over 18 She'd never been hunting, so they prepared the night before. She made breakfast and lunch for the trip while he got all the hunting stuff clean and got his dog, Butch, ready for the trip.

A guy called up asking if the coast was clear. My wife asked me for the weather to come in 30 minutes. I asked Officer Rudolph, wearing his medal on a red ribbon.

So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, he got out of the water and noticed two old laid... read more. I was in Russia with my wife and the weather was a little weird.

We've had strong, cold winds blowing lately, and freezing rain forming layers of ice over the snow. All she does is stand frozen at the window, staring, and I think she might be depressed. If this keeps up I might need to let her i... read more.

Sunny, clear sky with no Trees. I am over 18 Every morning, General Secretary Leonid Brezhnev would go out onto his balcony and stretch.

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It is a beautiful day outside.” The sun would reply, “Good morning, General Secretary! Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks.

The other half will come out with a drinking problem. I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell.

The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, “What are you doing? One night they decide to take a horse and buggy sight-seeing.

So, a couple of years back, I was at a pretty fancy outdoors party. But the atmosphere was nice, and the local band played some good music, so I enjoyed myself. I thought I'd like a nice cold beer in the warm weather, so I went over to the bar.

In disbelief, he calls his Siberian friend:\- Hey, I've heard is freezing in Siberia these days? I am over 18 A Wall Street Stockbroker decided one day he’d had enough of stress and moved to rural Scotland.

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Turns out she did, so I gave her my list too, no point in both of us going out in this weather ! Be careful who you take home tonight, you could be stuck with them for the whole weekend.

Old and gnarled, he declared one more quest to vanquish his foe before descending into his Mother Earth. Unlike Ahab however, revenge was not his only motive. I am over 18 A scientist has invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

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